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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Joe's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, August 5th, 2010
5:57 am
i'm almost 30, and I have been an enormous tool for most of my life. now i'm a chill bro.
Sunday, May 23rd, 2010
11:20 am
I still have the dream at least once a week where I haven't shown up the entire semester and I have two essays due by tomorrow and I'm going to get kicked out of school.

It has been so long and I don't know why my brain can't just focus on dreams where I'm boning instead.
Sunday, May 2nd, 2010
6:15 pm
I could probably find entries wherein I write:

"Chris is X years old, he had a temper tantrum, I physically restrained him, he spat in my face, I slapped the shit out of him, anyone who thinks slapping children is not an effective means of discipline, you've never had to deal with children"

Now with Chris turning 8 years old, I can with confidence say that slapping the shit out of Chris has not changed his behavior at all. Your mileage may vary, slap away at your kids.

I think Chris might be the devil.
Tuesday, April 20th, 2010
5:03 pm
Maritza went through some photo albums on a rainy Sunday while visiting, and saw that I not only used to own a cabbage patch doll, but a female cabbage patch doll. Her name was Phoebe Noah, and I asked for her when I was 5. This caused a stir among my family - they thought I might be gay. (and I might be gay!)

Today, Maritza sent me this picture - it is Phoebe Noah! With someone else!

Monday, March 8th, 2010
5:16 am
Amy Zimmerman fucking destroyed me at Dr. Mario. I won maybe one time for every 7 times she beat me. It wasn't even close. I really need to reevaluate things.

"I lost. I lost bad. I lost to a girl." - A.C. Slater
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
8:54 pm
I'm done for now making fun of Adam and Radish's entries. Where is Alex when you need him to post?
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009
7:25 am
one of my favorite things these days is telling people how awful they are, and how irritating their friends are

I also like calling people "fella"

that will be all
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
8:23 am
while others have been posting their camping updates and glowing experiences, I will keep it short - I have not pooped for 108 hours and I'm kind of cranky about it.
Sunday, June 28th, 2009
9:55 am
Next, Napa/Sonoma ideas. I don't do that shit, I need help for the best places to go and experience it. Anyway, sodas are on the line.
Sunday, June 21st, 2009
3:01 pm
you have 10 hours to see San Francisco - where do you take someone. Museums, unless mindblowing, should not be a part of this list. Other boring shit should not be a part of this list. Places where you hang out and lie in the grass with friends on drugs should probably not be a part of this list, unless it's like "Get a burrito at Can-Cun, sit in Dolores Park."

Thank you very much. I will seriously buy you a soda the next time I see you if I like your ideas and haven't already thought of them. (it's the honor system, you know me, I'm goodforit)
Thursday, June 4th, 2009
6:14 am
for the record, Uncle Scrooge is DONALD'S uncle, and Huey, Dewey, and Louie's great uncle. That was what I was thinking about all day yesterday, because when you don't have any hair, you don't worry about it, and your mind is left to wander.
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
6:48 pm
I'm trading emails back and forth with Kent, the manager of NOFX. This is not because I'm about to be signed to Fat, but because NOFX wants to print their own compostable cups. I am trying to finagle it into a job at Fat Records.
8:02 am
More than once I have heard a girl say how immature a guy is because he's X years old and still masturbating, and how nuts that is. We can take an informal poll here, and I would guess 90% of men are on the daily.

Just once can I hear "This guy is so thoughtful! He masturbates every day to keep his dick in shape so when the time comes he can beat my pussy up." Because that's what it is - for exercise purposes.
Tuesday, May 12th, 2009
10:28 pm
the anticipation of turning off Alex's ipod when camping and playing a song on repeat is killing me because I have the perfect song that is going to irritate him so much, and it's taking all I have to keep it a secret for the next two months. I'm cracking myself up.
Saturday, April 11th, 2009
5:01 pm
One of the few things I like about myself is that I can admit: a) when I'm wrong, and b) that I'm a stupid person. I also like how I can write really exciting journal entries like this one.
Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
5:40 pm
I'm going to Picnic Day - I always thought of it as the best day of the year, and it symbolizes everything good about Davis. To other people who went to cool schools like Arizona State, it would probably be an average weekend.

To my dismay, no alternative bands or KDVS stage. Still down to chill and stoked to creepily observe drunk college chicks.

Edit: there is a kdvs stage, it was just not on the website. I'm dumb.
Sunday, March 29th, 2009
9:51 pm
hey, is it just spam, or is someone trying to sign me up for yahoo webcam groups? I admit, I would love to see pictures of webcam chicks, so the spam people hit their target demographic if that's what it is, but it's not me requesting admission to these groups.

Someone has also requested to reset my youtube password twice.
Saturday, March 28th, 2009
2:00 am
Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
10:00 pm
I'm in the mood for things that destroy me

the movie Closer is one of them. Brutal!
Friday, March 13th, 2009
11:14 pm
So I live at home, but I still cook my meals and do my laundry because I'm that cool, but there are still conversations like this.

"So Dad, I know you're trying to be helpful, but can you just leave my laundry alone."
"What's the matter, I washed your clothes for you."
"You needed to wash the kitchen and bathroom floormats, and you combined them with my whites. There's dirt all over my clothes. And I know it just went through a washing machine, but i don't know how I can feel again about my clothes that directly touched the mats that prevent Christopher's urine from hitting the floor."


"Joe, I bought you french fries."
"Dad, I can't eat that. Have you noticed I haven't been eating anything but health food since the new year? You don't have to buy me anything, I'm fine."
"But they're sweet potato fries."
"Dad, I'm fine. I have my boca burgers and vegetables. Just let me relax for a few minutes."
"There's pizza in the freezer."
"Dad, I know, I can see it. I'm lactose intolerant. Please, I'm going to have a boca burger."
"There's chinese food in the fridge."
"DAD WILL YOU PLEASE NOT TALK FOR THE FIRST 15 MINUTES THAT I GET HOME AND JUST LET ME EAT SOMETHING I HAVE HAD A VERY STRESSFUL DAY AND JUST NEED 15 MINUTES OF SILENCE AND FOOD THEN I WILL BE READY TO COMMUNICATE. I APPRECIATE YOU LETTING ME LIVE HERE BUT I JUST NEED A FEW MINUTES FROM THE MOMENT I WALK IN THE DOOR TO DECOMPRESS AND NOT HEAR ABOUT WHAT'S ON THE MENU TONIGHT."
<30 seconds of silence pass>
"...there's a cherry pie in the freezer."
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