Joe (shellac) wrote,
Joe
shellac

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Top 100 Reasons why Dan is a Bad Friend or Just a Pussy or Just Someone I Will Eventually Kill

Okay, maybe not top 100, but I'll write a few just because he keeps posting stupid comments.

Exhibit A) I used to live in the apartment with Dan and Awad, and as of recently, Dan wants to take my key back. Okay, perhaps this would be somewhat understandable if I were untrustworthy and uncleanly. It's just a dick thing to do to someone you consider a friend and play in a band with. ESPECIALLY considering the fact that there is no one staying in this apartment over the summer. I use the apartment maybe 1-2 hours a day to check my email and burn cds. And Jesus, the masturbating post was a hoax, I'm sorry Dan had to ruin that joke.

Exhibit B) When answering the phone, Dan feels the need to tell whoever it is exactly where I am and exactly what I am doing. This is not good, especially when it's AMAZINGLY FUCKING SIMPLE to say "He's not here, can i take a message" rather than tell my parents that I am working (www.youseedavishardcore.com/catering.html) or tell friends unnecessary details about my private life.

Exhibit C) He doesn't listen to a word I say. And it's not just me, it's whoever he has conversations with. Unless he's interested in the conversation (if it's about Linux or Weezer), then he'll respond with one line replies. Here's an example:
Joe: Here, check out this song I just wrote.
Dan: Okay. (joe plays song)
Joe: I need some help writing a bridge though.
Dan: Really.
Joe: Yeah, what do you think?
Dan: I don't know.
Joe: Here, watch how to play it and let's work on it.
Dan: Okay. (doesn't really watch)(20 minutes pass. Dan still plays it wrong) Wait, what are we talking about?

Exhibit D) He won't drive me everywhere I want to go, which is usually within Davis. Okay, so maybe this isn't a good one, but if I had a car, I would lend it to people or drive them places.

INTERMISSION

Okay, so if you had to choose who to put on the Real World, would you choose me or Dan? Dan is positive they would choose him, because nobody likes me and I am an asshole. See, that's all the more reason I would get on the show.


Exhibit E) He listens to Weezer. I can't stress enough that Weezer is a good band, but not worth obsessing over. And the new album is double excruciating. I don't know if any band is worth the amount of time Dan puts into them, but Weezer is just not that good, and all their fans look the same.

Exhibit F) He wears briefs. Awad does too, and simply, little kids wear briefs, not adults. Try and come up with a good argument for wearing briefs. Awad couldn't. Once you're 20 years old, it's time to start shopping for yourself. Further, when he goes home, his mom does everything for him while he sits and watches tv or sits online. When I go home, I don't let my mom do anything, and I make sure I get a chance to spend time with her, and sit online at night when she is asleep.

Exhibit G) He's not a dumb guy. Wait, why is this an exhibit? Ah, yes. Because if he's not dumb, why does he make me want to kill him with his moronic antics? He just chooses not to think about anything besides himself.

Exhibit H) He has problems with confrontation and like Dante Hicks would rather be uncomfortable than express a real opinion. This is the one that kills me.

Exhibit I) He's a shitty driver. And for that matter, it has come to my attention recently that Gavin is too. On 3 or 4 separate occasions, Gavin could not pull into a parking space straight, but was diagonal. One guy laughed at him. See, don't feel so bad Susan.

I don't like writing about Dan.
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